Receiving When You’re Not Okay

Every one of Your godly lovers receives even more than what they ask for. For You hear what their hearts really long for and You bring them Your saving strength. Psalm 145:19 (TPT)

When I first became sick, all I wanted was to get better. I seriously wanted nothing but the pain and anguish to stop. I wanted to feel okay. I wanted to BE okay.

However, I had symptoms and a diagnosis that reminded me, that for right now, I was not okay. I listened to my doctor, who was hopeful and positive, yet insistent about the gravity of my condition and the need to follow her directions.

Thankfully, between my weakness and the medicine I was given to help bring stability, and ultimately healing, I slept a lot.

I have been through some hard times in my life, but this was so much different than anything I had ever faced. I had never been this incapacitated in my life. I was totally dependent on my husband and those the Lord graciously sent to help care for me.

I had no choice but to receive.

I couldn’t read my Bible or pray or journal.

I had to receive the Lord’s love and acceptance just because He loves me. There was no striving, earning or performing.

It was uncomfortable in almost every way, but I was just too weak. I surrendered.

I had a very strong knowing of His presence with me in the lowest of lows. I felt His understanding of and compassion for my suffering. He sat with me IN my suffering. He comforted me IN my suffering. He loved me IN my suffering.

As time went by, I still wanted to feel better, but I was okay because He was with me. I valued His presence and felt His love and that anchored me in the midst of the storm. I began to value Him more than my own well being.

He loved me back to health and life and became my saving strength.

Let’s pray.

Lord, I thank You for Your faithfulness to me during my darkest days. Thank You for always being with me and comforting me. Thank You for understanding my suffering in a way no one else can. Please help me to continually find comfort in You and the depth of Your love for me. Lord, I lift up my brothers and sisters who may be suffering right now. I lift them into Your loving care and ask that You would surround them in songs of deliverance and help them to receive all You have for them. Please help them to know that You hear what their hearts really long for and You are bringing them Your saving strength for the honor and glory of Jesus. May it be so.