Receiving When You’re Not Okay

Every one of Your godly lovers receives even more than what they ask for. For You hear what their hearts really long for and You bring them Your saving strength. Psalm 145:19 (TPT)

When I first became sick, all I wanted was to get better. I seriously wanted nothing but the pain and anguish to stop. I wanted to feel okay. I wanted to BE okay.

However, I had symptoms and a diagnosis that reminded me, that for right now, I was not okay. I listened to my doctor, who was hopeful and positive, yet insistent about the gravity of my condition and the need to follow her directions.

Thankfully, between my weakness and the medicine I was given to help bring stability, and ultimately healing, I slept a lot.

I have been through some hard times in my life, but this was so much different than anything I had ever faced. I had never been this incapacitated in my life. I was totally dependent on my husband and those the Lord graciously sent to help care for me.

I had no choice but to receive.

I couldn’t read my Bible or pray or journal.

I had to receive the Lord’s love and acceptance just because He loves me. There was no striving, earning or performing.

It was uncomfortable in almost every way, but I was just too weak. I surrendered.

I had a very strong knowing of His presence with me in the lowest of lows. I felt His understanding of and compassion for my suffering. He sat with me IN my suffering. He comforted me IN my suffering. He loved me IN my suffering.

As time went by, I still wanted to feel better, but I was okay because He was with me. I valued His presence and felt His love and that anchored me in the midst of the storm. I began to value Him more than my own well being.

He loved me back to health and life and became my saving strength.

Let’s pray.

Lord, I thank You for Your faithfulness to me during my darkest days. Thank You for always being with me and comforting me. Thank You for understanding my suffering in a way no one else can. Please help me to continually find comfort in You and the depth of Your love for me. Lord, I lift up my brothers and sisters who may be suffering right now. I lift them into Your loving care and ask that You would surround them in songs of deliverance and help them to receive all You have for them. Please help them to know that You hear what their hearts really long for and You are bringing them Your saving strength for the honor and glory of Jesus. May it be so.

The Song That Became My Lifeline

On Sunday, February 11, 2018, I wasn’t feeling very well emotionally and it became very clear that something was seriously wrong. My husband and I were scared, so I asked him to put on the Sunday evening service at Bethel Church that was just beginning.

I let the music wash over me in an attempt to calm my fear. The worship leader, Jonathan Helser, announced they had a new song to share that they had just finished writing. I listened to the story and the words and they touched me deeply. I didn’t understand why, but I knew this was MY song and that God was speaking to me.

“When the pressure is real, Your Presence is greater, greater, greater.”

That phrase was planted deep within me and would become a lifeline as I walked through the horror of those initial months. I reminded myself over and over that His Presence was greater than what I was facing no matter how great the pain and suffering.

“When the pressure is real, Your Presence is greater, greater, greater.”

The suffering and pressure I encountered was VERY REAL, yet I had to believe that His Presence was GREATER and would overcome any diagnosis, no matter how severe.

Then as the song was ending, Jonathan said the following:

“This is holy ground. This is holy ground. Just declare it over your life. It’s holy ground. Declare it over your trials. Declare it over your circumstance. It’s holy ground. What the enemy meant for evil the Goodness has overcome.”

AMEN! The blood of Jesus has overcome any evil facing you or your family and you will watch the victory unfold in His way and timing.

The link below should take you to the complete Sunday evening worship set. It will start with an ad and you can place your cursor on the white dot and slide to minute 56 where “Fourth Man” begins. You many also have to turn on the sound by clicking on the “speaker” icon if there is an “X” by it and the sound will turn on. I hope it works, because as far as I know, this song hasn’t been released yet and this is the only place to find it. 🙂

Click to watch “Fourth Man” performed at 56:00-1:07:00

Have a blessed weekend and receive all He has for you!

 

 

The Company You Keep During a Season of Hardship Matters

Even though the Lord may allow you to go through a season of hardship and difficulty, He Himself will be there with you. He will not hide Himself from you, for your eyes will constantly see Him as your Teacher.  Isaiah 30:20 (TPT)

I don’t like hardship and difficulty. I really don’t. However, if I’m honest, it has been through the most difficult and darkest times that I have grown the most. On several occasions, I have been brought to a breaking point where it felt like something inside of me was dying. It was scary, painfully scary. Yet, in the midst of the turmoil of my unraveling, my loving Heavenly Father held me close and affirmed me as His beloved daughter.

Jesus kept bringing me back to the Father’s love when I was disoriented and lost my way in a consuming darkness. The Holy Spirit comforted and taught me how to truly rest in the Father’s love and security when I was unable to care for my family or even myself.

It was through the death (of what needed to die) that resurrection of my true self began to slowly emerge in strength, deeply rooted in the goodness of Father God, who not only carried me through, but blessed me with a new depth of intimacy with Him. I learned He was truly all I needed when He was (virtually) all I had.

Perhaps you are facing a season of hardship that has pummeled you to such an extent that it has knocked the wind out of you and left you feeling helpless and vulnerable in ways you never imagined possible. I know how unsettling it is to feel like you are coming undone and not be able to do anything about it, but hope it doesn’t last forever.

It won’t. The end of the tunnel is closer than you realize.

In my experience, if you keep positioning your heart towards Him and giving Him your weakest “yes”, in the midst of all your fear or anger, I know He will meet you in the pain and bring healing as only He can. He will strengthen your foundations so you will find love and security in Him alone. 

Let’s pray.

Heavenly Father, I confess that sometimes I doubt Your presence and goodness because of the turmoil around me and in me. Please forgive me for blaming You for the bad and partnering with the lie that You don’t care about my suffering. Thank You for Your open arms of grace that console the deepest hurts in my heart and embrace me with a healing love that transforms me from the inside out. Thank You for Your grace and understanding and how You love me just as much on my good days as my bad ones. Thank You for carrying me in Your loving grace. Your grace is real. Please help me be just as much aware of Your grace as I am my suffering, and please take me to the place where I become more aware of Your love and grace THAN my suffering. Although it may be hard to see right now, I choose to believe that Your plans for me and my family are good. I choose to believe that You are good and You never change. Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me and promising to be close to the brokenhearted and those crushed in spirit. Please teach us who You are right now that you couldn’t be in any other season of our faith journey. We want Jesus to get the full reward of His suffering and death on the cross so we may experience a powerful resurrection, in our lives and circumstance, and walk as the new creation He destined us to be for the honor and glory of Jesus Christ. May it be so.